Friday, November 14, 2008

Tomorrow is Lily's Due Date

Since I will be gone all day tomorrow, I wanted to mention that Nov. 15 is Lily's due date. As I look at the ticker on the top of my blog, I can't believe that so many things happened in just those short 9 months since finding out I was pregnant to learning about Lily's problems to her going to heaven and then getting pregnant again on the first try and now I'm over 9 weeks along with Baby2 on Lily's due date. EEK that is a lot to happen in a very small time. Normally I just go to horse shows all spring/summer/fall...which takes a lot less emotion than what happened this year. I guess the reward isn't a baby either:/

As I watch many friends struggling to get pregnant with their 1st babies, it brings to mind the saying "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved before". Which I feel is very true in my situation. We are so grateful to have had Lily for those 5.5 months but still feel pain, especially tomorrow, as we're not bringing her home from the hospital but starting over with Baby2. The pain is not the heartbreaking ache that we felt after we lost her in July but more of a sense of loss for what could have been.
I also remember one of my friends (who also lost their 1st) saying that they would never have had their Miss Q (as they were only planning on having one baby) if they wouldn't have lost their 1st one. Not that she wanted to lose the 1st baby but she can't imagine life without Miss Q. So I too think of that...we would never have THIS Baby2 if we didn't lose Lily. We would have A Baby2 but not this one as that would be impossible. Of course we never wanted to lose Lily but that was never our choice either. As a Type A/control freak, the fact that I have almost no control over the whole baby thing freaks me out. I really have a problem with that...but again I have no control over that either:/

So I just wanted to take a minute and thank God for the blessing that is Lily and thank God again for Baby2 as only he knows what is in store for Lance and I and our parenting expedition.

On a different note, I think we have a sick cat. Poor Uggs was been limping on his right hind leg for the last 2 days. He's also sleeping a lot. He seems to have more life in him today but when he sleeps his breathing is weird and I just don't like the way he looks. I'm going to call the vet to see what they say and probably bring him in today or Monday. Of course this always happens to us on Friday! At least we do have an emergency pet hospital for nites and weekends and Casse.lton Vet Clinic can usually slide us in on Saturday morning as they have before with Teddy. I'll let you know how things go.

Have a great weekend! It's snowing lightly here and sounds like it will for most of the day but nothing is staying on the ground. Tis the season!


Jewels said...

Beautiful post - I have bizarre emotions reading it - heart breaking emotions - kind of slapped me in the face and it's not even my due date. It is amazing what happens in a short 9 months.
Have a wonderful weekend.

Jen said...

My heart goes out to you and Lance right now. Dealing when you have no control is tough for us Type A's. Just wait until Baby2 is born and you'll realize just how little control you have (and how much your newborn does have!).

KatieM said...

Oh hun, I'm sorry I missed this post this weekend. Heartfelt ((hugs)) to both you and Lance. Lily will always be in your heart and it is OK to mourn her loss even in the midst of baby 2, especially on her arrival date.

I said it then and I will say it are such a strong woman, and I am so happy you get to experience baby 2 right now, when you may need it the most.